Grace Over Grind: Am I a Workaholic or a Stressed Busy Hardworker?

[00:00:00] Hello, this is Sharon McCall with Whispering Fields Wellness. Welcome to Grace Over Grind podcast. Today I'm going to share a little bit of my personal story. And really we're going to get to the Root of, are you a workaholic or just a really busy hard worker with a lot of stress? I see people bandying around the word workaholic all the time.

[00:00:21] I don't think people quite really understand what it means. Visualize for a moment a woman exhausted Drained, asking you to break her leg because she saw no other way out of her commitment. This is the depths of being a workaholic, compulsively taking on more until it feels like there is no way out.

[00:00:43] This was me almost 30 years ago. Yet even that moment was not enough for me to recognize what the root of my problem was. My battle with doing too much and chronic stress started in college. I wanted to graduate sooner, so I heavily booked my classes to ensure I had a backup plan. In case I couldn't get a job, I was also heavily involved in ROTC and Army Reserves, and I worked part time at least 20 hours a week to cover expenses.

[00:01:13] It got to the point that I had only about two hours of sleep every 24 hour period and maybe a random 15 to 20 minute nap on the couch in the community center. There was no stability in my routine. And to keep up with friendships, I became the designated driver. They knew that they could always end up counting on me to be awake at all hours, and I was easily bribed to being able to go pick them up and get them safely home for a break and a little bit of food.

[00:01:41] It didn't take long until my Bell's Palsy and constant migraine Flared up. Bell's palsy, in case you didn't know, is a facial paralysis. Both of these became my constant companion. And yet, even though my body was breaking down on me, I still kept up that hectic pace. Until that night, that I asked my roommate to break my leg.

[00:02:03] Because I just couldn't do it anymore. I needed a way out that was socially acceptable. I just couldn't see getting out of any of my military commitments without something major like that. Thankfully, he didn't do it. He talked me to sanity. I immediately dropped the class and eventually dropped out of ROTC.

[00:02:24] I just didn't need a backup plan. For the rest of college, by ensuring I got at least four hours of sleep and better managed my workload, I really thought that period of chronic stress and crazy long working hours were behind me. That here I was a few years later, early into my career and recently married, I found myself back working really long hours again.

[00:02:52] I chalked it up to being new in my career and feeling the need to prove myself. I also knew that I was happier at work, just there are so many issues at home and some other problems. So I just kept the pace up. And then when the relationship hit the rocks. And my husband ended up moving out and we separated.

[00:03:16] It got even worse. Movement classes, meditation, divorce therapy. Those are the three things that kept me from working 18 hours a day and going into the office at least six days a week. These safe, supportive people made sure I did not have a mental health breakdown or have a physical health breakdown like I did in college.

[00:03:41] Then. I thought things would get better. I met the man who would eventually become my second husband, and I thought, aha, this is it. I've got a healthy relationship. I'm safe at home. I don't need to go hide at work to ensure my safety and security. I felt for sure I had finally beat chronic stress and would be able to sustain a healthy work life balance.

[00:04:07] Yet it only worked for a while. I thought each time it was The role I gave the excuse to the job first. It was international travel at a high level Then it was international hours trying to being able to take phone calls at 4 in the morning from india and 8 p. m It's in japan plus getting all of my work done then That wasn't working, so I switched to the manufacturing environment.

[00:04:37] Slowly, as my responsibilities grew and I ended up working a 24 7 set of responsibilities, things just started all over again. The physical and mental toll of that job eventually ended up landing me in the hospital, the blood pressure through the roof, and it finally hit me like a ton of bricks. That it wasn't the stress of the job.

[00:05:03] It wasn't the role. It wasn't whether I was in a safe relationship or not. It all had to do with my ability to cope with stress. This is the official start of my stress recovery journey, but I still had not recognized my workaholism. So I focused a lot in regards to being able to stay calm and peaceful.

[00:05:24] And I seeded a lot of tiny habits in regards to movement, diet, meditation, self improvement, supplements. And I was filling my time with projects, hobbies, pets, and all of these, they eventually bore fruit. I was much calmer and was able to maintain low levels of stress. That it was all driven by my will and personal effort.

[00:05:49] Then I found the piece that I was missing that made it so much easier to being able to maintain a healthy perspective and to being able to sustain more peaceful composure and get stressed about less things. And that was when I invited God back into my life. That was the last step that I needed to bring my blood pressure down to the point where I could get off of the medication that I had been on since that incident in the hospital.

[00:06:16] So while I had all the outward facing signs of managing my stress, I also had strong boundaries that helped me finally stop working weekends and working regularly late into the night or getting up super early. My underlying relationship with work was still unhealthy. My workaholism was not fully identified and did not get addressed until yet another health crisis.

[00:06:44] A case of shingles at an inopportune moment was required for me to realize the depths of my workaholism. The compulsion to work that drove my sense of identity and personal worth This was all wrapped up in what I did and how I performed. I had impossible expectations for myself and such a low value of my worth.

[00:07:07] So even though I would receive feedback and promotions about how great I had performed and what was going on, it wasn't enough. I still kept driving myself harder. I felt I hadn't earned any of the things and had to work harder for being able to prove myself. And this extended beyond work into other relationships as well, where I thought that my personal value came from doing instead of being.

[00:07:37] And even though I had fewer work hours, the way that the workaholism came out and impacted my relationship Is that I would get into these crazy intense moments of irritability and moodiness if I was focused on whatever was the latest work priority or whatever hobby or project it was that I was working on.

[00:08:00] And it wasn't until I surrendered my will and false beliefs about myself to God and repaired my relationship with Christ that I was able to truly start healing. And what I learned is that the wounds that needed healing had nothing to do with work. It had to do with the trauma that I had left unaddressed in my life.

[00:08:24] That trauma negatively impacted my worth and that inability to forgive myself. drove all my workaholism. I had chosen to lose myself in work and to numb my personal pain with a socially acceptable addiction, workaholism. By renewing my identity in Christ, I've been able to make sustainable changes and I am in active recovery.

[00:08:49] Taking each day at a time, I can now Feel some peace when I sit still, pray, and just be with myself and not doom. That is a significant change and growth compared to where I was 30 years ago when I was in college, or in any of those other roles that I talked to you about. Finally, I am being able to have a life that's fully aligned With my values, where I'm prioritizing faith, family, and personal freedom over work.

[00:09:24] The one thing I really want you to take away with being a workaholic isn't just about working a lot of hours. It's not about being busy and a hard worker, nor is it about chronic stress. There is so much more to it than what you see on the surface. Taking a step back. A workaholic is compelled to stay busy with beliefs that keep the person in a cyclical trap.

[00:09:50] There are so many mind traps that drive exaggerated conclusions and distorted thinking. And often shame is the root of work addiction. There are other common threads, but it really comes down to where there is a strong value in doing over being. In accomplishment over relationship. And this strong mental preoccupation with the future and what coulda, shoulda, woulda been done better than what's in the present.

[00:10:21] There's perfectionism as well. Some therapists believe that there is a substance use component to this process addiction. A workaholic learns that you can end up stimulating an adrenaline rush from lack of sleep, low blood sugar, chronic stress, and what it does is it gives you that superhero burst of energy when you thought you were completely out.

[00:10:52] And then, as you get through all the accomplishments, after that adrenaline rush, you've got all those dopamine hits that come with solving a difficult problem, the accolades that you get, that moment is just not enough, and then you put yourself back into that spiral again. Only a few of you watching are probably workaholics.

[00:11:15] If you want to talk about it, please reach out for a supportive ear. There are options that are out there for you. Now the rest of you. You're probably not a workaholic. You're just busy, a hard worker with a lot of stress. So as you seek to reduce stress, boost energy, and have a better work life balance, most of you probably only need skills, a strategy, some confidence.

[00:11:43] You know, we can address the sources of your work related stress. You can learn to free up time to make a few tiny habit changes. Thank you. That will lead to transformation in your life, to give you that life that you want. You'll find that you have less stress and more time for loved ones, your personal interests, and for self care.

[00:12:07] Jumpstart your habit changes. You can reclaim your time, restore your energy. With the tactics that you learn by working with me, You have hope. You know that as you continue on and apply these things more in your life, you will have the work life balance that you dream about. To learn more about stress recovery coaching, using the link below.

[00:12:33] Has my story got you thinking? Still not sure if you're a workaholic? Check the link for an evidence based survey below. I do want to make sure that you understand and come to grips if that's what's going on in your life to get you the help that you need. Thank you for joining me today on Grace Over Grind.

[00:12:54] I'm really glad that you could spare a little bit of time to spend with me today and I look forward to seeing you on the next episode. Wishing you and your loved ones the best. Have a blessed day.